[ —and abruptly, he stops, as if startled by the tremor in his throat, by the volume of his own voice, by the too-loud beat of his own heart. he freezes, hands against the table,

and then, as if nothing had happened at all, he sits back down, carefully scooting the chair forward and sitting properly. softly, without any life to it at all, he murmurs. ]

. . . No, of course, you are right. It isn't enough to be satisfied by such a number. . . that's right, after all, that is why I. . .