Trash Squad Day 1 - GAME START

[chinhotta]

[ Maybe you were going about your business and blacked out, maybe you were dead. Either way, when you come to, you are in what looks like the entrance hall to a school, except for the very well secured front door. Before you can really get your bearings, a voice rings out on an the intercom. ]

Welcome, kiddos! —How does that sound? 'Kiddos'? Too daddy kink? Eh, let's go with it for now. Anyway, welcome to a once-in-a-lifetime chance at romance and passion, with fabulous prizes! Find love beyond the boundaries of time and space! Original concept, do not steal.

Pick up your tablets and get settled in! A little later today, we'll have our first heart-pounding get-to-know-you event!

—Oh, also, no violence allowed! I know some of you kids are into the murder thing, but that's not the kind of game we're running here.

[ In fact, there are several boxes of electronic tablets around the room. When you pick one up, it displays the gameplay and rules.]

---

Game navigation

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[nnnnnooooooooooooooo]

[raises his hand like a kid asking a question in class]

Can I get a hall pass to go home? Do you know how to spell hall? I know for a fact that raccoons don't.

[chincoola]

Listen, son, I understand. Them raccoons, they done you wrong. But I'm your papa now, and Papa loves you.

1/2

[purrtagonist]

[oh]

[my]

[fucking]

[god]






[. . . . . . . . . . . .]

[purrtagonist]

[HE DOES NOT WANT THIS???]

Congratulations on managing to be way creepier in ten seconds than two murderous raccoons were in three weeks.

[chincoola]

Oh, you. My cute lil ears are burnin'.

[purrtagonist]

Is this. . . [gestures?] Theme purposeful? What's next, opossums? Tanukis?

[chincoola]

Heck if I know. But the good news is, we're all about makin' love, not murder.

[purrtagonist]

[THE LONGEST HESITATION]

Is that a promise?

[chincoola]

Cross my heart'n eat a pie.

[purrtagonist]

[another pause]

What kind of pie?

[chincoola]

Apple!

[purrtagonist]

Not bad, but inferior to pumpkin. Your taste in pies is only "so-so."

[chincoola]

S-so-so!?

[purrtagonist]

[with DEATHLY SERIOUSNESS]

So-so.

[chincoola]

Ah~~

My tender heart... is pierced.

[DRAMATIC SLIDING DOWN TO THE FLOOR]

[purrtagonist]

[YOU BIG BABY]

They should have called me the Ultimate Heartbreaker.

[chincoola]

[sighs and stretches out dramatically, then discreetly pulls out a rose to put in his mouth]

[purrtagonist]

[why is the chinchilla like this]

Personally, I've always preferred lilies.

[chincoola]

[Sarsaparilla's body goes limp. Shortly thereafter, another Sarsaparilla shows up with a lily in paw, which he swaps out for the rose in the first one's mouth. He then retreats, at which point the original model springs back to life and goes about writhing on the floor.]

Where was I? Oh yes~

Oh, the agony! I... I've never had a pumpkin pie!

[purrtagonist]

[ARE THERE SERIOUSLY MORE THAN ONE VERSION OF THESE PUNKS, TOO]

You're trying too hard. I'm not really feeling the sympathy, here.

[chincoola]

[lays there for a few more seconds]

Only cuz I can't get the dang spotlights to work...

[sighs and just sits up]

Let a man have his mid-life crisis, son. You'll understand someday.

[purrtagonist]

[s-snort]

Eeeeh. . . I plan on skipping the mid-life crisis.

[chincoola]

Easy for you to say. You got to eat a pumpkin pie.

[purrtagonist]

If you put the ingredients for pumpkin pie in the kitchen, maybe someone will make you some.

[THAT SOMEONE WILL NOT BE AKIRA]

[BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK TO MAKE PIE]