Morning 18: SHOTGUN DEADDING

[pandatrash]

((Last words
Execution))

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Last words

[pandatrash]

[Akira and Ichigo have been dragged onto the auditorium stage, which has been decorated to look like a chapel, but with significantly more machine guns threatening anyone who might have any heroic ideas.]

[purrtagonist]

[. . . . . . . . . UUUUUUUUUH]

Hey, wait, I'm only seventeen. . .!

[he isn't ready for marriage oh my god please save him]

[suppressthedark]

Don't want to get married to me?

[HOW IS HE ABLE TO JOKE???

Oh. Because he's absolutely accepted what's going to happen and is going gallows humor.]

[purrtagonist]

[all they have left is gallows humor. HA]

[shoves his good hand in Ichigo's face]

Talk to me again in five or six years.

[flamingprick]

You should be fine, there's no way either of 'em are actually priests.

[Technically Rin COULD officiate, but. No.]

[purrtagonist]

[give him five or six years before he thinks about marriage!!]

That's only slightly comforting. . . I'm pretty sure my dignity won't survive this.

[suppressthedark]

[You know what?

He's come to terms with dying. But honestly? Dying like this is fucking awful and oh my god why this.]

...Of course.

[WHY DID HE EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE FROM THE RACCOONS.]

[flamingprick]

[Sorry Ichigo. It's just been so tense the last day or so, and he kind of needs this laugh. Because goddamn.]

[suppressthedark]

[RIN WHYYYYY]

You always laugh at weddings?

[loveandwillpower]

[ Minako's still upset but she's at least gotta send these two off in classic style, by which she means giving them shit. ]

Couldn't they at least let you get dressed up for it!

Half the fun of a wedding is seeing the bride swish down the aisle in a fancy dress, after all.

[piertotumlocomotor]

Which one would be the bride in this wishful thinking of yours?

[insurgeont]

[ He's not going to start a conversation with the shonens himself and he's staying out of all this morbid levity and makeouts, but Ulaz is here, in a moderately appropriate(?) sweater for today. ]

[chosemyfate]

[After their meeting and after trying to help McGonagall with the damage control with finding other people last night...

Yeah, this isn't really his brand of humor, so he might not partake in that, but he is... still there and attending. ]

[blueeyeswaifudragon]

[Kaiba's here, of course he's here, pale and silent in the back. His chin's up, though.]

[afailedmurder]

[Akechi is here, front and center. There's nothing left to talk about, but he said he'd see this through to the end, and here he is.]

[theyregooddogs]

[taking a big sigh but here for reasons unknown, bearing witness]

[truthstranger]

[Shuichi is curled up silently in an auditorium seat, but at least it looks like he hasn't been crying in a while.]

FUNERAL MARCH

[pandatreasure]

[The curtains close on our lovebirds, and, moments later, open on the glorious auditorium chapel, where Akira, somehow put in his Joker outfit and bound up in duct tape during the brief intermission, stands waiting at the end of the aisle. Across from him but at the edge, positioned as though to be his partner’s best man or maid of honor, stands (and kind of uncomfortably sags) the soft glow of electric sex—that’s right, the major award follows us still.

Tycoon, wearing a comically oversized pirate hat, sits at a piano. A few notes turning into…an attempt at a song ring out across the chapel, as down the aisle comes Ichigo. More specifically, down the aisle, Raquelle shoves Ichigo, put in his Shinigami outfit and a half-mask and also bound in duct tape (including a bouquet duct taped into his hands), enough that he just sort of gets to hop and hobble and only not fall face-first on the floor because of Raquelle roughly steadying him (i.e., pushing him back and forth, muttering about not wanting to have to pick up his sorry ass the whole time). Eventually, Ichigo makes it to the other end of the aisle. At best, he and Akira get to share a meaningful look, because their mouths are duct taped shut as well.

Raquelle stands up on a crate to be a little more level with them both. The audience can get a better view of her now, in a grim reaper sort of robe with a priest’s collar. Now that she’s in position, she reaches behind the crate and pulls out a glowing purple scythe. Instead of doing anything with it right away, though, she clears her throat as the swelling music ends and Tycoon scampers somewhere offstage, and begins to speak.]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because SOMEBODY— [glares DIRECTLY AT ICHIGO] —couldn’t listen to rules. Now, I kept some notes about different things I could say at this point, but then our lawyer told me if I said too much about mawwiage bwinging us together, we could get hit with a lawsuit, nyehehehe. So we’re just gonna skip to the good stuff! Now!

[She bangs her scythe on the floor a couple times. As she speaks, Tycoon comes back on stage, wheeling in a giant cannon. Listen. Don’t worry about it. He sits down next to it and starts picking his nose.]

If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.

[...]

Well? Anyone? What do you think, everyone...? No? Then—

[flamingprick]

[Wait?

They can actually object to this?

WELL HELL YES HE'S GOING TO THEN he'll just. Grab a nearby chair and throw it up at the stage.]

[pandatreasure]

[The machine guns turn to focus their fire on the movement, taking a couple of moments to barrage it to bits with bullets.]

[flamingprick]

[WELL OKAY MAYBE THIS WILL WORK?]

Of course I'm objecting to this!

[Oh look there he goes, running up there. Where did he get that sword? That's a good question!

While everyone's distracted by weddings and machine guns, he's going straight for Tycoon.]

[loveandwillpower]

[ Minako's caught the bouquet on reflex, and stands there shell-shocked with a splash of someone's blood across her face. This is fine. She's got all the grieving out of the way in advance, probably. She certainly feels, uh. Okay, not fine, but not not-fine either.

Riiiiin what the fuck. ]

...We still have to bury them. We need a tarp.

[worldcup]

I'll help.

[ Illya's here, and even though she was told not to watch, she couldn't help but do it anyway; it would be a disservice not to see them in their final moments. Especially if Rin's dead now, too. Even if her voice is cold and distant, she can at least do this much. ]

There should be one in the prop room, right?

[loveandwillpower]

Or the garden shed.

[ Climbs up and whips the curtains open, let's see what we're dealing with here, she's not thinking about it too hard in self-defense but it's gotta be done. ]

[truthstranger]

[ Shuichi looks... better...? this morning. Maybe not actually better, maybe just numb, but he's focused and composed.

...That composure breaks a little when Rin jumps on stage, eyes widening in horror, but really, what were the chances that something like that wasn't going to happen? Something like that always happens.

Only when his friends are reduced to bloody bits and definitely dead does he turn away with a grimace and rise from his seat. ]