Day 7 Execution: Pincushion for the Pushin'

[pandatrash]

[The tablets fire up first thing in the morning with some lovely lounge music to set the mood:]



RESULTS:

Niles: 18
Corrin: 4
Hiyori: 2
Maki: 1
Lux: 1
Erika: 1

[The raccoons are waiting in the auditorium, dressed as precious little cupids, which is to say they have plastic wings and underwear (bloomers and boxers respectively) on, though admittedly their choices of "cupid's arrows" is a little suspect.]



CONGRATULATIONS MURDERFIENDS! YOU CHOSE RIGHT!

((Last words
Execution))

Comments

[cw_suicide]

[MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME SO YOU CAN JUST TAKE A GODDAMN NAP.]

I brought it on myself. [along with a bunch of attention of being a shit stirrer.] Ah, well--hey, where's that wine you had?

[suppressthedark]

[HE'S NOT GOING TO DRINK, HE'S UNDERAGE]

I've tested them, and they're fine - but you still don't get to have too much. Wait a little while and I'll bring you some.

[Aka this is not the time to talk about this, Dazai!!]

[cw_suicide]

[look, i think you fail to understand how bad he's jonesing for either death or drunkness.]

Ah... sure.

[nope. not gonna wait. gonna harass Akira-kun instead.]

[suppressthedark]

[God just wait until he's worked through all his emotions first, he's a literal wreck right now??]

...I'm glad we chose right, but...

[He knew this was coming, that someone had to die, but...

...Damn the fucking raccoons.]

[cw_suicide]

Probably when Akira-kun announced the Tapioca Honk solution, he knew his time was up and wanted to just die anyway.

[i mean. same feel?

but wait. that's probably not a comfort for someone like Ichigo-kun. h-hhmmm...]

And the fact that he did commit the murder meant he knew the option of his execution was on the table. He made his choice, Ichigo-kun.

[suppressthedark]

[Sadly, this doesn't comfort Ichigo, and he won't be comforted for a while at this rate. Ichigo says nothing for a while, before -]

...He asked me to kill him yesterday.

[So, yeah. There's that.]

[cw_suicide]

[... ah.

yeah.

that'd do it.

but also.

trying not to vibrate too much because SAME. FEEL. THO?]

... you're under no obligation to give a suicidal person mercy in that fashion, Ichigo-kun. If anything, it's selfish of him to put that onto others and not do it himself.

[suppressthedark]

...I couldn't do it, anyway.

[Hey dazai

Hey dazai look at that guilt on his face

Guess who doesn't believe you.]

Even though he was scared and in pain, I wasn't even brave enough to do what he wanted. I...

[He trails off, shaking his head.]

...I'm a shinigami, but I couldn't even-! I-!

[Sorry, Dazai. He's a mess right now.]

[cw_suicide]

Stop.

[there's some authority to his voice. it's definitely his Mafia Executive tone that he expects to be listened to.]

He is not the only one here in pain and scared and wanting to die. And if your job as a shinigami were to mercy kill people, wouldn't you have had occasions already in this place to have done so?

[HE IS JUST FUCKING SAYING.]

If he is someone who holds it against you for not being able to make that decision for him, then he's not someone worth that mercy in the first place.

So don't hold it against yourself. You're not someone who is capable of killing without very good reason to. Putting someone out of their misery isn't good reason. That's all there is to it.

[suppressthedark]

[Someone who can't kill without a very good reason...? The words, unbidden, remind him of his hollow - screaming at him for needing to fight, trying to protect others while fighting with a sheathed blade.

Still, deep down, he knows Dazai is right - it wasn't his duty, it wasn't....but then, why did he feel like he failed? Like he was worthless?]

...I know. I know that, I...

[He's...shaking a little, eyes squeezed tight.]

I...I just - Dazai, I - I can't even do anything for him. I couldn't then, and I can't now...!

[Ah.

There's one of the deeper issues coming to light.]

[cw_suicide]

[why does this type of person always end up like this in front of him, as if he had all the answers?

well, he is the adult in this situation. so.

sighs a bit, putting his hand on Ichigo's head. pat. pat.]

You can't do everything, Ichigo-kun. But what you have done is protect people from being falsely convicted and killed. Niles-san committed the murder knowing the consequences. You prevented him from getting away with pinning the blame on someone else.

That he was scared and hurt changes nothing about the reality of that. He is only human and so are you--especially in this place.

[it's not like you could turn into a shinigami here anyway? so like? stop bringing your shinigami status into this.]

[suppressthedark]

[Clearly, Dazai attracts shonens.

He startles a little at the touch on his head, but listens to what Dazai has to say quietly, with little fuss. The words sink into his brain, dive under his skin and make a home there.

'You protected people from being falsely convicted and killed.'

It was true, and yet...his heart still mourned for Niles, his empathy getting in the way of his rational mind. Yet, he still had people around him who were willing to show him the good he had done, instead of letting him drown in his own sorrow and guilt - people who had their hands outstretched, waiting for him to take it.]

...Thank you, Dazai.

[His words are quiet, but sincere.]

[cw_suicide]

[. . . really.

why has people been saying these words more frequently lately?

it feels. completely off.

that ugly feeling of knowing earnest and honest people like this say it without understanding just how gross he is beneath the skin.

but he just smiles.]

You'll get there, but it'll be rough in the meantime.