pandatrash (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pandatrash) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
randangonpa2018-01-14 10:56 am
pandatrash) wrote in randangonpa2018-01-14 10:56 am
Day 15
[There are really only two important things to note about Day 15:
One, your tablet informs you that there's a killing night tonight! Tonight we're back to normal; only one murder, please!
And two, there is shitty prepackaged deli sushi in kitchen. So uh, y'know. Enjoy that.]
((Trust sheets - Due on Tuesday, 6pm PST
Recyclr
Shrine offerings
Game nav
Private posts))
One, your tablet informs you that there's a killing night tonight! Tonight we're back to normal; only one murder, please!
And two, there is shitty prepackaged deli sushi in kitchen. So uh, y'know. Enjoy that.]
((Trust sheets - Due on Tuesday, 6pm PST
Recyclr
Shrine offerings
Game nav
Private posts))
no subject
No, wait - I didn't - You caught me off guard, okay?
[Right just...time to run a hand through his hair.]
...I'm not exactly the best person to ask, anyway. I only figured out I liked guys too a week ago.
Or maybe Akira's just special - Not like I really know.
no subject
And, oh. Well that's possible too. Rin didn't even think about the possibility of special cases existing.
Rin is just poking at his food now as he speaks, and he sounds a little unsure of himself as he does so.]
I just never considered it. Like, I always expected to like girls, you know? And I do like a girl- well, 'liked' I guess, since she rejected me and all. But still!
[Maybe he should back up and explain it a bit better.]
I made this list of cool people earlier, but a couple people mistook it for a 'hot person' list. And it was mostly guys on that list, so...
[SIGHHHH this is hard to talk about.]
After talking with Akira, I started thinking about it. I like girls, there's no way that's wrong. But how do I know if I like guys too?
no subject
[SORRY HE'S JUST
mmmaaaaybe silently judging that
Okay, it's not silent at all, he's just got a pretty incredulous look on his face.
But he quickly jumps back to the topic at hand, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly.]
Like I said, I've never had any romantic feelings for guys until I met Akira - and I liked a girl back home, too.
[Also wow Rin, that's rough to be rejected by the person you liked. Ichigo would have been fucking destroyed, which is why he never confessed to Orihime (and if he'd stayed in his timeline, would only have confessed three years later at Renji and Rukia's wedding.]
So I don't know how much I can help there, but...I realized it when we were just...talking. Goofing off -
[He's looking away as he speaks, down at his food - with a faint blush on his cheeks.]
And I just felt...I don't know. Happy that he was there? And I wanted him to keep staying near me, and I just...wanted to see him smile. Wanted to keep making him smile, because his eyes light up in a really...amazing way when he's laughing.
[A pause.]
Sorry, I'm...not really that good at talking about it.
no subject
Rin listens to Ichigo talk, but it doesn't really make things any clearer for him. Because ultimately he and Ichigo are very different people and have very different benchmarks for liking someone.]
That can't be it. I mean, if 'wanting to make someone smile' was all it took to like someone, then I'd have like five boyfriends here already. And you can only LIKE-like one person at a time, so that wouldn't work out.
[Admittedly he is new to all of this, but he's pretty sure that's how it works. He's seen married couples before.]
no subject
Look, I told you I wasn't good at this! It was hard enough to just say that!
[He huffs, shaking his head.]
I mean, it should be the same as when you figured out you liked that girl you mentioned, right? How did you feel about her?
no subject
I dunno? Like, we were friends first, and suddenly one day I realized I didn't want to be 'just friends' with her. It was probably after Kyoto...
[Oh whoops now he's getting sad, because he's remembering things now. How Shiemi rejected him, how she always gets around Yukio, how Yukio acts about it...]
...that's probably a bad way to look at it anyway, since it didn't work out.
no subject
...Even if it didn't work out, that's probably what you should be looking for. Not wanting to be just friends with someone, I mean.
[That is a pretty big step in feelings, anyway.]
Even if she rejected you, that doesn't mean someone else will in the future. Right?
no subject
[He doesn't actually like Akira in that way, but goddamn was that conversation confusing.]
no subject
What stuff did Akira say?
[Is his boyfriend hitting on other people?? Really???]
no subject
Well he saw the 'cool person' list I have, and he's at the top of it right now because you dropped a couple spaces. After I explained what it was, he said he thought I thought he was the most attractive guy in the school. I told him that I didn't look at guys in that way and I wouldn't know what to look for in 'attractive guys', so he took some paper and made a list real quick, I guess to show me that it can be done?
I was on it and I told him that's stupid because, well.
[He just. Gestures to himself, like it should be obvious why he's not really physically attractive.]
Then he said I'm cute. Which is WRONG, by the way. Who calls another guy cute like that?!
[He. He might still be a little embarrassed over that.]
But yeah the fact that he could do that so easily made me wonder if I should be looking at guys too or not.
no subject
Well, 'cute' is what Akira calls him a lot, and it made him feel...special? Like it was something just the two of them shared. But hearing that Akira also called Rin cute makes something inside of him twist a little, and he just...wonders why he was dumb enough to think Akira would save a word just for him.
But he does his best not to show it, going back to all business quickly.]
Akira's...he's like that. I think his sense of what's cute is broken, honestly.
[which would explain a lot, but -]
I mean...it's up to you. Like I said, I didn't really think about it until I came here - guess I didn't really think it was an option.
[JAPAN'S LBGT IS KINDA BAD, especially in 2002.]
no subject
Also don't think he missed that look. He's just not sure how to bring it up, because he's sure it's about Ichigo and Akira and he's not sure how to even talk about that.]
I didn't really either. I just always took it for granted that I'd marry a girl someday. Or die before I got married, I guess.
[YEAH his life expectancy isn't that great.]
I guess it doesn't matter much anyway. I don't feel that way about anyone here, and it's probably better to not think about 'what comes after' until we're actually out of this place alive.
[He does manage a small laugh as he thinks of something, though.]
I'll have to make it out alive for sure now though. It'd be uncool to die without kissing anyone ever.
no subject
Still, Ichigo just smiles - and leans in a little conspiratorially.]
I can tell you from experience - you're not going to want to miss out on kissing someone.
[Then he leans back and takes another bite of his rice, because he's hungry and it's good.]
But there's nothing wrong in thinking about what you're going to do when you get out of here.
[When, not if. Because Ichigo's trying to be strong, and also not think about any more of his friends dying.]
1/2
It's hard to think past the next milestone, I'm too used to it now. I've been running on 'take it one thing at a time' for nearly a year now. And I really don't wanna think about those stupid exorcist exams-
2/2
WAIT!]
Holy shit. I'm gonna pass those exorcist exams.
['Ultimate Exorcist' indeed.]
I'm gonna pass the exams! I'll pass and then they can't execute me!